getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
