you guys were way drunker than both of me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
