Ambien. No doubt about it.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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