I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
