I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
