i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
