You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
