I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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