I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
