Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
And then he peed in my hair
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