He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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