clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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