drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
