my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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