the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
