she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
