My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just pee around me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sorry about my life...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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