Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
