There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
