so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Houston, we have a blender
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
