seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
