i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
