I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
40s are totally the cure
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
