if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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