I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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