I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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