True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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