I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
