she looked like the before picture.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
