he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
