She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
two words: eviction party
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
