I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
