So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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