Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
