Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
