I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
