he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
