So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
