i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
