people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
