that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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