Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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