her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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