I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
