When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
