We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
