then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
