I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
