everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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