you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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