The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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