every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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