Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
