I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
