She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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