It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
