What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
