end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
