someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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