The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
