Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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