your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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