I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
