no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
