i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
