his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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