I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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