Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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