I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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