You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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