mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
