I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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