is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
