dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
In America we eat man semen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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