we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How does it feel to date your dad?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
