So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
